The feeling of being hooked to something is so cruel. Especially if it’s a person. You’re just hooked to them. Waiting for their texts, waiting for them to call. You know you should let go but you hold onto the slightest possible thread of hope. It’s like watching a Rom-com and expecting the lead pair to not get together. It’s like watching baby’s day out and expecting that the kid will never meet his parents.
The toughest part is you know it’s toxic to wait for them but even then your heart decides to fall for them anyway.
Sometimes it’s like waiting for a rainbow on a sunny day. There’s absolutely no chance of them telling you the words you’ve longed to hear but you still sit by your window to see the rainbow. It’s like getting lost in a maze with no way out. I think it’s the most helpless and frustrating feeling. You keep reading your old conversations and realize that you’re just waiting for a chapter that was never meant to be written. The nights and the days are the same, anxious. How funny is it that we get hooked onto a feeling so easily and so magically.
I don’t think our head controls everything, I think our instinct to fall for miserable jerks does. I mean obviously some jerks turn out to be diamonds but still they were jerks to begin with. As I write this entry I feel stupid for getting hooked to a constant state of uncertainty. A constant dilemma of are we out of the woods yet? The lingering question of are we there ? Did we manage to pass the “casual phase”?.