Lonely

I really don’t mind spending Saturdays alone sitting on my couch. No I don’t mind not having anyone to talk to in spite of over 10 close friends. The loneliness only hits me when I am sick and staring up the ceiling. It hits me when I am watching my favorite film and laughing all alone. On regular days my work keeps me unbelievably busy and I usually stretch out working till late at night. But loneliness hits me when I go to my room, the humongous bed staring at me, empty. The fact that I will go out for shopping and have no one to tell me if pink looks good on me or blue suits me better, scares me.
It’s not that I am without a loving family or incredible friends because I am not. But sometimes I want someone exclusively for me. I mean just to tell them my favourite star and talk to them about why one direction should come back and also why I hate getting up in the morning. I am not lonely literally. But the feeling at 3 of not knowing someone to text is brutal. Going on long walks in Autumn just by myself is kinda of haunting. Coming back home, an empty home in a different city is scary. I’ve been around the world, seen it all (most of it) but alone. I’ve been to the Eiffel Tower and seen the entire city but without my beloved soul. I’ve enjoyed many promotions but with my friends and family. I’ve spent birthdays alone amidst a crowd. I’ve never come home to find him waiting by the balcony for us to have dinner. Technically I’ve achieved everything I ever dreamt of. From a fancy house to luxurious holidays I have been there all. But sometimes just sometimes I feel lonely amidst the crowd. I feel insecure walking in a crowded place not knowing which way to turn. Read books about perfect ending and heard songs about perfect beginnings but I am still stuck somewhere in the middle. And the worst part ? I will go back to work on Monday and not feel a thing until it’s Friday night and I am sitting all alone in my office. This thing , you know, comes and goes.
It comes when it’s the holiday season. It comes back when I am cooking my meal but just for one. It comes when I am sitting in a coffee shop and order a single cup. It comes back when I wake up and wish myself morning. When I come home to find only my mail in my mailbox, mail for just one person.
Spread across 24 hours in between calls from my mother, texts from my dad and movies with my friends this feeling of loneliness sinks in sometimes. So literally I am not lonely.

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14 thoughts on “Lonely

  1. Remembering all the wonderful moments spent with friends family and the special person helps get rid of lonelinesss.. You will surely find yours.. Don’t run behind finding him, love yourself and the one who loves the feeling of love will come automatically…Keep smiling

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  2. First of all, I think it’s another awesome post! I must say I tend to feel this overwhelming sense of “aloneness”, more so than “loneliness”. I have a lovely spouse, but I take occasional liberties in travelling alone, hitting the cinemas alone, dining at my favourite cafe alone. Perhaps I take such liberties knowing full well that there is someone to go back home to, and perhaps that makes all the difference. I wish you take comfort in the knowledge that there is warm community in blogosphere, and that you need not be totally alone =)

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    1. its great to know that you have someone to fall back onto. i think thats the best feeling ever. also, i feel completely blessed to be a part of blogosphere. and the post was just something out of my head, not something i’ve experienced. thanks a ton for your review tho πŸ˜€

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    1. I know that’s the worst feeling ever. But you know when this feeling sinks in, that is the time you should walk away. I think it’s just an alarm for you to walk off. Thanks for taking out time for reading this. I hope you don’t have to ever feel it again

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      1. Well I’m going through it right now and my circumstances are a bit difficult for me to just walk away – namely that I would not be able to survive on my own financially. I am working on things though. It isn’t that he’s horrible all the time but he’s an extremely selfish person and just doesn’t seem to care about my feelings at all so long as he gets what he wants. If I try to talk to him about anything, he grows defensive and angry and can say really hurtful, cruel things like how it’s my fault and I have to pick myself up. It’s hard when you do so much to take care of someone even when they don’t deserve it and in turn, they turn and drop you like a hot potato.

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      2. first off, i’m so sorry that you’re going through all of this when its absolutely not your fault. just stay strong hon, and try to get yourself out of it as soon as you can. you deserve to be loved by someone who values the time and effort you’re putting in for them. its really sad how people tend to ignore the goodness of others. just stay strong and i’m sure it’ll pass and you’ll continue to shine. stay blessed and happy!

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