You did it again.

To,
The boy who left me without an explanation.

Your absence hurts me. It has drained me physically and emotionally and mentally. In between hours and minutes, my mind keeps going back to your memories. I did everything I could to let go. I’ve talked about you over and over again, to try to get you out of my system. It doesn’t help. I still miss you when I’m listening to James Arthur. I still miss you when I’m sitting in the backseat of the cab. I miss you so much that it annoys me. I saw this coming, you know. You loved hopping from one heart to another. But I just thought, you’ll halt this time. Oh, how naive of me to trust a bee. I told myself to never expect  much from you. But I did. I restrained myself from loving you. But the fool I am, I did love you. I fell for you hesitantly and unwilling. I fell for you unexpectedly and unreasonably. It’s sad you lived up to your reputation. It’s so unexpected that you turned out exactly like the kind I hated. I saw a different version every time we met. Yet, I couldn’t be enough for any one of those. I saw a different man every time I forgave the last one. How I wish I had listened to my brain. How I wish I had ignored your text at midnight. How I just wish I hadn’t made you my world. It’s bizarre how I’ve spent nights missing you and you don’t even care. I’m pretty sure you’ve forgotten me, like I never happened to you. Honey, I’ll take your share of blame. You just did what you do best. Skipping to the part where you make them believe
in your lies and then swish past. I should have known, you don’t know how to love. I should’ve known, you’re just a pathetic liar. A man just made up of deceit. I should’ve known treachery runs in your veins, not blood. Oh, I should’ve seen it coming.
You weren’t even man enough to tell me why you left me. You left me hanging on a cliff. Hanging onto all your meaningless words. From hours and hours of promises to simply disappearing on me, I hope you have a reasonable explanation for it. I remember you asked me why I had commitment issues. It’s so ironic how your answer was just a mirror away. I opened my well bolted iron doors for you, and you just sealed me in again. You didn’t have to pretend to love in the first place. You didn’t have to paint me a blue sky if you had to turn it to rain. Trust me, you didn’t have to walk into my picture, if your name was just supposed to appear as a cameo.
You didn’t even give me a chance to reason out. You didn’t even tell me what went wrong. You just left in the middle of my sentence. In the middle of everything. You just fucking vanished. I mean you just disappeared, like I never felt the taste of your words. I don’t wanna take the high road this time, you know. I hope this piece of writing pierces your conscience and goes straight to your heart. I hope this makes you uncomfortable. I really hope after reading this you have an uneasy night. I hope this piece keeps you up at night thinking about all the hearts you carried out on your palm,and then dropped them callously. Some nights I’m glad that you left me, that it ended before permanent damage occurred. But some starry evenings, I cry my heart out because of the slight scars. I don’t wanna wish you luck for your future endeavors. You weren’t mature enough few days back. I’m not adult enough to let it go now. I guess, we’re finally even.

Yours lovingly
The one who thought you’d changed.

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6 thoughts on “You did it again.

  1. Hi Rashimb, I love reading your style of writing! I must say it is quite lyrical and gives your emotions full play. I can totally resonate with your sentiments here, particularly “It’s bizarre how I’ve spent nights missing you and you don’t even care”…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I know this write-up is more of emotions, but I would like to tell you my favorite lines from this post,
    – Oh, how naive of me to trust a bee.(the context it is used for. Great)
    – It’s so ironic how your answer was just a mirror away. I opened my well bolted iron doors for you, and you just sealed me in again.
    – You didn’t have to paint me a blue sky if you had to turn it to rain. Trust me, you didn’t have to walk into my picture, if your name was just supposed to appear as a cameo.

    Loved these lines from the perspective of writing. ❤ 😀

    Liked by 1 person

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