You didn’t have to pretend.

I bruised my knee once. I broke my leg once.But then I got my heart broken by someone who claimed to love me . Trust me, nothing ever pained me so much, not even the doctor’s syringe. It was like someone pushed me from cloud nine. Shut the doors of my castle on my face. He used my favorite colors to paint the rosy picture. He used blues of my insecurities, red shades of my subdued love, a little of grey here and there for the times I loved to stay quiet ,and a little of black. Black was his choice, not mine. the piece turned out to be a masterpiece before it caught fire.
I still remember laughing when he promised me things I knew were hollow. He did assure me, did promise to not become the kind I hate. But weeks into “us”, he’s become exactly like the ones we once laughed at it. I can’t recognize his touch anymore, his voice feels so plain now. The inside of his head doesn’t feel like home anymore. His grey sweater fails to bewitch me. I keep going back to the time he first said those words. I keep going back because this man in front of me is a stranger with memories. This man on the other side of the phone doesn’t know me well. This man, well, this man is not the one i used to wake up next to. He says I’m dramatic. He’s right, I’m overly dramatic but that’s because I can see what people have up their sleeves. And what I see here is definitely not love. What surprises me is how can I be shocked to see him become what he is? I knew him all too well. I walked into it, knowing well his reputation. So I guess, it’s stupid to put the blame on you. Let’s split? I’ll take home my burden of letting you in again and again and again. I’ll carry home the times I should have walked away but decided to stay. Pack a bag and leave this time for sure, I swear. But why don’t you try asking me to stay once? It’s the least you can do after your hollow deep lies. I can finally see why you used black. It’s the color you’re made of, isn’t it? This one color that never mixes with others, instead breaks them and walks over their personality. I’ll just say, it’s okay. Seasons change, the sun goes down and the stars continue to shine. Days passed and so easily, your love changed. Oh no, wait, you found out I was plain, simple boring. It took us three years, a month long relationship and just one meet to realise we weren’t meant for each other. What’s the worst? I sob for you, I’m feeling miserable and you don’t even care. You sleep peacefully, it doesn’t bother you at all. Tears roll down my face, not yours. I feel helpless and alone, not you. It’s good to see how you’re working so hard to make our “thing” work. Just a quick word of advice before I say fuck you and your texts, never say I love you to someone if you have to ghost on them, it really doesn’t strengthen your stand.


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